10 experts share their insider tips on how to actually stop self sabotaging

Updated: Oct 25, 2021

Back in May, I started running an Instagram Live Series on self sabotage. Prior to it kicking off, I thought I knew a lot about self sabotaging behaviours and how to overcome them. Boy was I wrong!

I learnt so much from all of my guests. I enjoyed running the series so much, I've decided to distil the very best expertise and knowledge that came out of it into a blog post. We covered everything from intuitive eating to finances. Let me know which tips are your favourite!


Vicky Shilling - Wellness Business Mentor

How to overcome self sabotage - Vicky Shilling

Be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up about it. That negative energy doesn't help anyone. We have to be really kind to ourselves and be curious and observant with it.

Get really honest with yourself - whether that's through journaling, talking with a friend or mentor, or even voice-noting yourself. Ask yourself what you're protecting yourself from.

You can then look at the evidence and what's actually happening. You can reassure yourself that it's not as scary as you think it will be. Think about the good things that could happen if you removed self sabotage and pushed outside your comfort zone.

Listen to the full episode with Vicky here

Sarah Marshall - Transformational Coach

How to overcome self sabotage - Sarah Marshall

To start with, recognise that it is hard to stop self sabotaging and it takes time and practice. Notice what shows up for you and build awareness around how you're stopping yourself.

Learn from what you notice and which habits you tend to fall into. Ask yourself why you're doing that and start to make changes.

Reframe negative thoughts and give yourself a chance. Imagine you're speaking to a friend who was in a similar position - would you speak to them in the same way you're speaking to yourself? How can you be kinder to yourself?

Listen to the full episode with Sarah here

Bex Brame - Intuitive Health Coach

How to overcome self sabotage - Bex Brame

Try to make peace with food and stop seeing it as good or bad. Food is neutral - if you need to, you can categorise foods as breakfast, lunch, dinner, snack foods etc.

Don't expect things to change overnight. It will take practice and mindset work will always accompany intuitive eating. It can feel intimidating but the pay off is so worth it!

Come at it from a place of curiosity and learning. Even if you binge or self sabotage, there's always something you can take away. What have you learnt about yourself in the process?

Listen to the full episode with Bex here

Jess from Rise Up Healing - Holistic Earth Centred Coach

How to overcome self sabotage - Rise Up Healing

With consumerism, we have created more and more of a disconnect between ourselves and the Earth. What people don't realise is that we are nature. Harming the planet is harming ourselves.

When wanting to make change, always be sceptical - there's a lot of information out there. Unfortunately, companies have cottoned on to people wanting to look after the planet and exploit that.

Educate yourself but also look after yourself - make changes in a way that's sustainable for you. It's a lifestyle change and it has to be one that you're making for the long term, so go slowly.

Listen to the full episode with Jess here

Ashleigh Frater - Confidence Coach

How to overcome self sabotage - Ashleigh Frater

Build your awareness around what thoughts you're having - journal and write them down. See if there's a pattern going on. That will help you to know where the work is.

Pay attention to how your body feels as well. How do you feel - tight or relaxed? Your body is always communicating to you and this can help if you're not used to articulating your thoughts.

Talk to someone about how you're feeling. Have a conversation with someone you trust. Get it out in some way. See how you feel afterwards and how you want to move forward.

Listen to the full episode with Ashleigh here

Carly Ann - Self Esteem & Relationship Coach

How to overcome self sabotage - Carly Ann

You have to come face to face with yourself. Try to understand and build awareness around what's going on for you. What is going on for your mind, body and soul? Once you have the awareness, you can then decide what you want for yourself.

I also recommend getting a coach and investing in yourself. It speeds things up for you and you get the support you need. It's understandable why people struggle to invest in themselves, but healing what is creating the self sabotage is the thing that can break this cycle and create the transformation.

Listen to the full episode with Carly here

Emilia Francesca - Intuitive Coach & Healer

How to overcome self sabotage - Emilia Francesca

Honour the fact that you're witnessing your self sabotage. You're no longer turning a blind eye. It's normal to feel frustrated but now we're landing deeper into our self worth by recognising the self sabotage.

Do a deep dive and perhaps talk with a friend you feel can hold space for you to express yourself. Voicing it out loud so it's no longer just in our heads can give us the clarity around what's really going on.

Once we can see it for what it is, we can then work on what are the steps to move forward. What is acting as the block? What's on the other side of this block? The next steps will start to become clear even if you need to be brave to take them.

Listen to the full episode with Emilia here

Ellie from This Girl Talks Money - Financial Coach

How to overcome self sabotage - This Girl Talks Money

Financial goals are great, but what does that goal mean for you and your lifestyle? That will have so much more meaning for you rather than plucking a random number out of the air.

Don't be too harsh on yourself. If you feel out of control with your money, go back to basics. Sit down with your numbers and figure out a plan. Take into account your essential expenses and see what you have to work with.

It's up to you to figure out how you choose to work with your money. And remember it doesn't have to stay the same, you can readjust each month and be flexible.

Listen to the full episode with Ellie here

Jayne from The Alternative - Coach & Consultant

How to overcome self sabotage - The Alternative

Be consistent - you will get tired and things will change - but we can always be learning. There is no one person who knows it all when it comes to inclusion.

Let's start having conversations and find out more about the people who aren't seen. Get an understanding of what those people need. Listen, learn and then do.

Being okay with getting it wrong and being corrected is so important. The actions can be really simple and it's key to ask questions. Learn from experience and make adjustments when something is pointed out to you.

I also recommend reflecting on why you're doing this work on inclusion. Are you doing it to look good, or do you genuinely believe in it? Then think about how you can start to take action that is comfortable for you.

Listen to the full episode with Jayne here

Emily Anne Harris - Coach and Mindset Mentor

How to overcome self sabotage - Emily Anne Harris

Compassion is massive for me. Meet yourself with compassion and understanding. Notice that your brain wants to keep you in that comfort zone.

Ask yourself where do I feel stuck and how am I behaving when I feel this way? What thoughts am I having? How do I feel about changing this?

Then you can start to choose new thoughts and behaviours, but it is a process. Don't beat yourself up about what you don't know yet - recognise that you're working on yourself and it's one of the best investments you can make.

Listen to the full episode with Emily here


I hope you enjoyed all those tips on how to overcome self sabotage and start creating the life you truly desire. Let me know your biggest takeaway from the series in the comments!

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